How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

Last Updated: 22.06.2025 13:50

How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

By wanting to truly understand each other, despite feeling unheard.

By resolving to listen with curiosity rather than defensiveness.

By learning to validate what the other is feeling. “I can absolutely see why you feel this way.”

Ive been pretending to be okay and acting as normal as possible, but Im actually completely heartbroken after a recent breakup. Its painful and really affecting me, to the point where I cant concentrate at work, Ive lost my appetite, I cant sleep, and It feels as if my whole world has been turned upside down. I loved him so much. He said so many cruel things to me and it made me realize he must not have loved me the way I loved him, or he wouldnt have said such horrible things. How do I handle the heartbreak and why cant I accept that he didnt love me and just forget about him?

By giving up the notion that someone has to “win” or that anyone loses by saying “you are right”, “I am sorry”, or “I can do better.”

By internalizing that responding with kindness is strength, not weakness.

By taking turns talking.

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By deciding to stop with the criticism and the nagging and instead say thank you for everything you do for me. Thank you for loving me.

By keeping in mind it’s OK to have different opinions and different experiences, and they both matter in equal measure.